A new study released today shows that it’s not sweets, chocolate or junk food that make you fat – it’s whining the fuck on about it.
Participants in an experiment commissioned by the Faculty of Annoying Twats (F.A.T.) were asked to stuff so-called ‘unhealthy’ foods like crisps and massive slices of chocolate cake into their gaping mouths.
The results were astonishing: people who started moaning about ‘that diet I’m supposed to be on’ actually put on more weight.
Those who simply chomped down and enjoyed it like fuck consumed negative calories – yes, making them thinner.
The data shows that sentences like ‘ooh, I really shouldn’t’ and ‘I’m trying to be good’ put on as many pounds as twenty stuffed crust pizzas.
One commentator commented:
“This changes everything. I’m going to enjoy my food from now mmmfhdthslg –“
We didn’t catch that last word due to them stuffing their face with a massive fry up.